January 26, 2021

Happy 20th Birthday Kendall Elizabeth a.k.a. Grace. Today our baby is 20!!!!! Oh mercy where did time go? Apparently it has gone fast. Kendall has grown into a beautiful woman that we are indeed very proud of. I wish her a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! We love you.

We are so very proud of both of our children. They have both become such marvelous young adults…..while making this momma feel old since they are 20 and 23. I can still remember the moment that both of them came into the world, their first steps, their first words, first day of kindergarten, graduation days and all the other firsts. I may not have done many things right in this life….but those two I got right. I am quite certain God, my husband, grandparents, family and friends all had a hand in how they turned out…..thank you all.

I have been in deep thought this last week with the “changing of the guard” in our government. I watched every moment of all the pomp and circumstance that took place. I shared in an earlier post that I come from a long line of teachers, but I also come from a very patriotic family. I won’t discuss political parties….as I know it can be a very personal choice as to which party you belong. I watched all of the Inauguration because I feel it’s my American duty to do so. I want to stay informed and not let the press tell me what did or did not happen and what was and was not said. I do believe though that the press just tells us what they want us to know and hope we believe. I am not saying it is all fluff and falsehoods….but I prefer to fact check and not just believe everything they say in their reports is the gospel. I watched all the ceremonies with intent and enjoyed all the ceremonial traditions….until one striking young lady approached the podium. She was small in stature, but eloquent in speech. Her name was Amanda Gorman. She is 23….my son’s age, a poet and graduate from Harvard. I was mesmerized by her deliverance of her poem, “The Hill We Climb”. If you did not get a chance to hear her speak…check her out. She is mighty in message. It got me to thinking….we all have a message, a purpose. As I reflect on what my purpose is….first, I believe that I was put on earth to teach. I had the most wonderful 15 years of teaching in a classroom full of amazing little children. I miss it….I miss it every single day. But I know my purpose now has changed. My purpose now is to try to shed light, provide information and extend encouragement to others out there that are struggling with this disease of Multiple Sclerosis. I still remember the exact day……a few months into my early diagnosis….with my original doctor…she was a very good doctor. She was caring, smart and always looking for new treatments as I was not responding well to different shots and kept having flare after flare. But I was determined to get back in the classroom….so she kept signing my medical leave and I kept believing that I was going to eventually find my way back to my desk. But, after much trial and error, numerous therapy and continuous trepidation I sat in an exam room as she walked in with a handful of papers. She didn’t start the exam with her normal zest and optimism…she began by saying “Stephanie, I want you to hear me out when I show you something.” As she went through the papers that she had previously filled out I am not sure that I really heard what she said…..I am quite certain all I could hear was my heart beating in my ears and my stomach had moved up into my throat. The papers were my medical disability. What I do remember from that day was the tears in her eyes as she was going through all of the paperwork. I had no tears…just the feeling in my throat that my stomach had made its way up to the back of my mouth. I remember the feeling the cold metal of my walker on my hands and using it to get up, but I don’t remember getting to the elevator or even to the car. But I do remember the feeling of absence….absence and void of everything. I wasn’t sure of much else for the next few days, but emptiness. I am pretty sure I just went through the motions of the tasks at hand…or at least the best I could. Flash forward to now….I think in some way I am still teaching. I do my best with learning about this disease….educating myself to understand all that is happening to me in hopes that I can educate others about Multiple Sclerosis. So today I feel empowered. I feel empowered by all of my loved ones for constantly supporting me and never allowing me to ever give up. All of their visits, phone calls, texts…..etc….they empower me. My current doctor and his support staff…..you empower me. My doctor never gives up. He is constantly looking for ways to support me in this journey or the next treatment to try on this journey. HE encouraged me to start this blog. HE felt like I had important things to say and share. HE felt like I could share various things that have worked for me and see if they might help someone else. HE empowered me to not stop teaching and sharing. Thank you for that doc. You are the best. We must always remember WE have a purpose and an opportunity to make a difference or touch a soul. Never give up on your message or purpose.

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